Whatever happened to, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? My parents and my grandparents taught me and my sisters this from a very young age. These beloved folks were not a bunch of woosses - they lived through two world wars and the great depression. Bitter experience taught them that a hard life is easier when people are kind to teach other.
"Talk nice" was my rule no matter how crummy I felt or how upset I was about not getting my way. They knew it was one of those simple things, free except for one's sacrifice of pride and self-will, that made life go more smoothly on what was often a very bumpy road.
I often heard this poem: There was a little girl,
who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good,
She was very very good,
But when she was bad, she was horrid.
I only recently learned that this poem was written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
I usually heard it in early childhood during one of my (or one of my sister's) temper tantrums.
"Talk nice" isn't for people who want to bully or show others how angry they are. There are times and places for strong words, I agree, but most of these words, I've noticed - in stores, restaraunts, on the street, in homes, and even in congress and their campaigning for office - could probably be received better by being delivered in a kind spirit and "nice talk".
As I hear all the public shouting these days, and the foul language that is so freely spoken, the "talk nice" of my upbringing sounds hopelessly out-of-date. But if it is, then so is my bible, which is full of admonitions to treat others with kindness and compassion, including The Golden Rule, Matthew 7:12 - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The Gospel of Matthew is clear that what we do to others, kind or unkind, we do to Jesus Himself. Matthew 25:31-46.
Yet unkind words seem the temper of our times, especially in the public arena. But anger, however justified or liberating it may FEEL in the moment, never seems to convince anyone of anything. Maybe the underlying source of children bullying in the schools and on the internet is this bad adult behavior.
Jesus called anger and harsh words offenses against God. "But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, 'You fool,' you will be liable to the hell of fire." Matthew 5:22.
We could do a lot worse than re-adopting the old-fashioned, "talk nice." And if our hearts can't feel it, we need only "fake it until we make it." In other words, "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all", and one day you'll discover, "Hey, I'm not talking mean or foul anymore!" That will be a great day. That will be my goal from now on - one day at a time!
9 comments:
Oh yes, this is a very convicting teaching for me to hear. When I am hungry, I am especially impatient with the poor souls working in the food business. My children have witnessed me at my worst behavior. I will promise to adopt this teaching as part of my heart as God intends for me to act. I am ashamed of myself, for the way I treat people when I don't get treated the way I think I should. I believe I started acting this way when I lived in Denver and was treated as a number among so many people. I need to remember that each one of those people is a child of God. Thank you for the lesson.
Thank you for this admonition. I need to remember all this and live it. Did you create all this, Lonnie/ No wonder you are the Great Teacher!
Very very good writing and sharing.
I agree with Linda and Bev - this is excellent teaching.
It doesn't sound like you, Mom. When you write,it sounds like you're talking. This writing doesn't have that. If I didn't know better, I'd say Sharon wrote this... maybe because her stories almost always had childhood memories in them.
At any rate, it is excellent teaching and writing! I often tell my students "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." And I remember Mom telling us that growing up, too. Wise words, indeed!
Thank you for sharing, Linda - you're right, we can all remember that even the people that piss us off are loved by God, too. We can be "Jesus with skin on" by how we use our words.
Good food for thought - thanks Mom!
Excellent teaching. My mom and dad used to always say, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." If you knew my dad as well as I, you would be laughing out loud right now! Can't say anything nice... Oops, I bet you can see now why this was an excellent teaching for me to read. I love this post, Aunt Lonnie. I love reading your blog. It is always inspiring and uplifting. Thank you. I will try to practice this.
posted by Tracy...Isn't Michelle so funny? I sometimes feel I'm nicer to strangers than my own family. I like to read friendly reminders and teachings about treating other people as I would want to be treated or would want my family members treated. Glad I got to participate.
Remember the movie "Bambi". When Thumper's Mama admonishes him for telling the skunk Flower that he didn't smell very good. "Thumper, what have I taught you?" Thumper puts his paws behind his back, looks down shyly, and replies "If you can't say nuttin nice, don't say nuttin at all." Yes, we learned this good from our Mama, and we even learned it in Disney movies.
And remember, you can always get more with honey than vinegar. You don't have to throw a temper tantrum and be demanding and rude to another human being to get what you want. It often doesn't work so well, and you feel awful about yourself anyway.
Yes, this is a very good teaching, Mom. I will practice, practice, practice!
Thank you all of you for your kind comments!
I guess I can't exactly claim all this is from my own brain, Bev. I do a lot of reading, and praying, and remembering. Through all this I put it together and it comes out as my "teaching" for this blog. I'm really not a good teacher or writer, but sometimes even I am amazed after it all comes out. Inspiration, maybe?
Tracy, I know what you mean about feeling like sometimes you think you are nicer to strangers than your own family. I did that when everyone was younger and living at home. And I probably still do! Forgive me, my family, and I, too, think about these words a lot more since I wrote them. I wonder what the world would be like if the whole world ruled themselves in this way. Hope they all read this!
I like the "Jesus with skin on" comment, Debbie. And another is "You may be the only Bible some people ever read!" So LIVING and DOING God's word is very important!
Thanks for pointing that out from the "Bambi" movie, Kay.
Thanks for pointing out, Linda, that everyone is a child of God! And it is good to treat them that way, isn't it.
And yes, Michelle you are so funny! Brings the point out so well, though.
Thanks everyone!
You are all beautiful, wonderful, amazing people and how lucky I am to have been born into this family of great people! And I don't have to practice saying this stuff. It comes easily and so naturally cuz it's so so true!
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